Being pregnant at a young age is seen as something so very unconventional nowadays that people are often shocked and full of questions when they come across it, which is perfectly understandable given just how rare it has become! I remember being a little girl and always thinking about how amazing it would be to experience pregnancy when I was still young, and as I became older I knew deep in my bones that I would definitely experience this when I was eighteen. I told my whole family, my friends, my colleagues, yet no one really thought I was serious...until it happened. From the moment I announced my pregnancy - which wasn't until I was three months, I was bombarded with questions and even now, as I write this eleven days overdue, I am asked the same questions, so I thought I would answer them here and hopefully shed some light on what it's really like being pregnant at 18. Enjoy!
How did your parents and family react? Were you scared to tell them?
Firstly, let me take you back to how this all happened. Me and mama were on the way to pick up some raw milk from a local farm and as we drove there, the conversation of the time spent at my partner's place came up. I had spent quite a bit of time staying with him and so it was obviously going to come up at some point. I explained how my period was five days late but I didn't want to take a test because I was scared it would be negative and I'd be left feeling disappointed. Once we had picked up the milk and arrived back at home, mama said, "why don't you just take an ovulation test and if it comes up with two lines then you know you've got another hormone present and you can then take a pregnancy test and if it only comes up with one line then you don't need to". I agreed to try this and was shocked when two lines came up on the ovulation test but still didn't think too much of it - I was mostly just praying the entire time from then to going and getting the pregnancy tests that I was indeed pregnant. I went upstairs once again, but this time to take the pregnancy test. The first test was completely blank, nothing came up, it was faulty. The second one showed two bold lines instantly. I was sort of in shock, yet somewhat expecting it. My mum obviously knew straight away and said she didn't feel shocked like she thought she would.
Now comes the part where I had to tell my family...and boy oh boy was I scared to tell them! I don't know why I was so scared and emotional about it. Practically every time I announced it to the next sibling I was one step closer to crying and by the time I told dad I was crying! My siblings were all very shocked and unexpecting of the news, and my dad was just as shocked. Despite the shock, everyone was so supportive and wished me the best and said they would support me no matter what. I was still super emotional but glad that everyone knew now, including me, although at this point I was still in denial and expecting it to all be untrue.
Are you nervous about other people's perception of you being such a young mother?
Not at all and my advice to anyone out there in a similar situation would be to care less about other people's opinions and focus more on living a life that is serving your purpose and making you the happiest and most fulfilled version of yourself. I have chosen the lifestyle I have because it is EXACTLY the lifestyle I want, so why would I be nervous about someone else's perception of that? It makes no sense. If my lifestyle brings up negative thoughts in someone else's mind, then unfortunately that is something they are going to have to work through because that is entirely their problem and not mine!
Was your pregnancy planned?
I believe that you should never engage in sexual intercourse without expecting the possibility of pregnancy, no matter how unlikely that may be. I did not expect to become pregnant immediately because I had only heard stories about women trying for months and months or even years before successfully conceiving, but I did. Both Jack and I hoped that I would be and were very pleased to find out I was. So yes, the pregnancy was planned but it still surprised us!
Did you want to get married before getting pregnant?
Yes, I really did, but things don't always go in the order we expect them to. I'm not the type of person who believes there's a "right time" to have a baby - I see it as more of a now or you're going to find excuses to put it off type situation, and I definitely wasn't about to put it off! Saying that, I do think it is better that you're married first as you have both proven your absolute commitment to each other. This is just something my partner and I have had to do in other ways. We will be getting married in the near future, however.
Isn't it difficult to start a family so young? What will be your source of income?
No, it is not, despite what we are made out to believe. People seem to forget that babies practically cost nothing. Yes, you may have to buy them some clothes, but other than that, they don't really need any food for a year if you're breastfeeding and if you invest in reusable nappies you'll save hundreds. Also, if you're breastfeeding then it's also likely they'll be sleeping in your bed. As they grow older you'll have to buy (or make!) new clothing and the meals will get bigger, but there is no need to waste endless amounts of money on unnecessary things that won't last and are not very meaningful, such as hoards of plastic toys that will be forgotten about or super expensive holidays. You have to learn what is really important and what is really a priority. This does not mean you can't have fun or buy things that aren't needed, it just means that it's not something you should ever feel like you must do.
My source of income will be from my partner who goes out to work and provides for us. Whether I decide to make a form of income in the future or not as well is up to me, but right now I'm happy homemaking full time.
You only get to be young once. Did you not want to do other things in your life before you had children?
I really dislike the way this question suggests that once you've had children you don't do anything else with your life or you can't because that is so obviously not the case and also, there is nothing wrong with only wanting to have a family and look after your children. In fact, for many of us women that is the ultimate goal and far greater than any other thing we could do in our lifetime. Whilst almost everything else is a very temporary thing, having children is one thing which will most likely result in thousands of years of human life, each generation getting to experience the world. It's one of the most selfless and beautiful acts a couple can do.
My answer to this question is no. There is absolutely nothing else I have wanted to do more than have my own family. I believe it is one of the greatest purposes in life and I don't know why I would put that off for the fear of "missing out" on other things, all of which I can do later on if I want to. One of the perks of being a young mum is that by the time my child is old enough to be independent or a young adult, I'll only be in my thirties with all the time in the world to complete other ambitions.
Are you nervous about giving birth? Do you feel prepared?
Not at all! If anything I am very excited to experience birth. It's truly the most feminine and powerful experience for a woman and to be able to go through that makes me so grateful - I know it's an extremely special gift! Another reason I am not nervous is because I know I am designed for birthing children perfectly, as are the thousands of other women who have done it before me.
I feel prepared mentally and physically. All I have to do is wait for my baby to be ready to make its arrival, which neither of us are rushing.
Do you think it's easier to get pushed into certain decisions because you're younger?
Whilst I certainly think people are naive enough to think that because of my age I am going to be more easily pushed into doing what they would prefer, they soon found out that is very much not the case! I am very stubborn and once I have made a decision it is highly unlikely I will change that unless there is a danger. One example is when I have had multiple people trying to pressure me into getting an induction due to their own impatience. Despite the relentlessness of it, I have stood my ground and will not be pushed into it! I think oftentimes a lot of midwives think I'm young and unaware of my own body and all that is going on, but growing up with eight siblings and seeing births firsthand has taught me how important it is to trust yourself and understand that you know your body better than anyone else! This isn't to say you can't listen to someone else's opinion, but just to remember that ultimately it comes down to you and doing what you know is best.
What advice would you give to other young mothers to be?
My key advice would be to stay calm - know that everything will work out no matter what you may have to go through and deal with. You are capable and strong. Take time to rest if you need to. Listen to and take care of your body, but most importantly, believe in yourself.
As always, if you have any other questions or topics you would like me to cover in a future post then please do comment below or message me on Instagram! I hope this post has answered some questions you may have already had and helped in some way or another.
Until next time my darlings!
Lots of love,
Honey
